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Swing and a miss.

Well, I’m back after an unplanned two-day hiatus – sorry about that!  I wish I could say that while I was away I was trekking in the Amazons or running marathons or really, ANYTHING interesting, but I spent all day Saturday and Sunday on the couch and most of Monday (when I wasn’t at work) doing the same.  I get like this sometimes and can’t pinpoint why, and it’s awfully frustrating.

After a totally necessary lazy day on Saturday, I had all these grand plans to be outside on Sunday: run/walk a loop in Central Park, check out the new Asics store in midtown, return some clothes, etc., but the only things that got me out of our apartment building were getting breakfast sandwiches in the morning before my friend left, buying a sandwich for dinner (a replay of Friday’s AWESOME turkey wrap) and taking the dog for a quick late-night walk around the block.  Pathetic.

While I do have a few lingering personal stressors itching at the back of my brain and making me anxious, mostly I think it comes down to the fact that I just enjoy being a bum on the couch on weekends.  I know there are morning people and night people; are there inherently active and inactive people?  Maybe blaming my genes is the way to go 🙂

I think one of my major problems with relaxing on weekends is guilt.  When I was working full-time, in grad school part-time and wedding planning all at the same time, I worked HARD during the week and felt like I really earned my laziness on weekends.  Now, I’m working full-time, but at a job that’s pretty strictly 9-5 (I’d stay until 6 every night at a minimum at my old job), and as a result I get plenty of relaxing “me time” during the week.  I’m also getting better at going to bed at a normal hour, which means I’m certainly not lacking for sleep.  While I do have plenty of errands to run and stuff, I can get most of them done after work throughout the week, so my weekend to-do list is quite manageable.  The freedom of an open schedule is paralyzing me!

Then, just like most things in my life, it comes back to food.  When I’m bored, I eat, and weekends have been a minefield for me on my weight loss journey.  I switched my weigh-in day from Fridays to Mondays to keep the weekend binges to a minimum.  It helped temporarily, but unfortunately I’m still struggling.

Although I feel guilty when I do nothing on weekends, when I have a really packed schedule Saturday/Sunday I feel like I need a weekend after my weekend!  I have to find the right balance between underscheduling and overscheduling that makes me feel productive and relaxed.

Needless to say, my eats were pretty pathetic this weekend – not as “bad” as I have been in the past (I used to stock up on garbage food on Saturday mornings to keep me “busy” while the husband worked, as crazypants as that sounds), but still bad enough that I didn’t photograph most of them.  Unfortunately and fortunately, when it comes to food, I rarely ever forget what I ate – the good, bad and ugly.  I’ll post the weekend recap a little later tonight with whatever pics I have.  There were a few bright spots – cooking healthily on Saturday night instead of ordering out – but on balance it was not a great few days food-wise.

I’m frustrated that so many of my posts so far have been about my failings, not my successes.  I know that you learn more by failing than by succeeding, but everyone needs a win once in a while, you know?  I’m scared that I will end this year with no real weight loss/health victories, and that drives me nuts.  As of right now, I have three things to show for 2009:

  1. I left my old job and found a new job that makes me incredibly happy and fulfilled.
  2. I set a new half-marathon PR.
  3. I qualified for guaranteed entry into next year’s NYC Marathon (as of this Sunday).

While I’m very happy I accomplished all of these goals, I also am very aware of all of the bad things that happened in 2009.  I was depressed and frustrated for much of the first half of the year, terrified I wouldn’t find a new job.  I used food and shopping as an outlet for my frustrations, and I’m going to finish out 2009 heavier than I was at the start of the year and also in more debt.  Not only do I have a closet full of things I’m about 10 lbs. away from wearing, I’ve also had to buy things in the past few months a size up from where I used to be, since I tossed all my old fat clothes last year.  Sometimes the hole seems too deep to get out of.

There are three major things on today’s to-do list that I’m going to accomplish that will hopefully get me back in the right frame of mind.

Firstly, I’m going to go to the gym.  I need a good, quality sweat session to clear my head.

Next, I’m going to return some clothes I ordered online that I don’t really need.  Just because things are on sale doesn’t mean they are necessary!  Plus, the husband’s right: our dog doesn’t really need a winter coat, as adorable as he looks in it 🙂

Finally, I’m going to clean out my closet and organize things by size, putting away everything that doesn’t fit right now.  I don’t need a size 6 dress taunting me every time I’m looking for something to wear; it certainly isn’t motivating and is also taking up valuable space I don’t have.  When I’m down a few pounds or when my pants start getting loose I’ll pull out a few more things and donate anything that’s too big.

Alright, that was quite a vent.  I feel much lighter now that I’ve gotten all this off my chest!  Time to grab a quick lunch and get back to work.  Before I go, three things I ❤ about myself:

  1. I’m just the right height – not too short, not too tall (5’5”).
  2. I have a million billion freckles, and they really suit me.
  3. Whenever I have a disagreement with someone, I fight fair.

What do you love about yourself today?  How do you combat boredom?  How do you plan your weekends?


3 Responses

  1. I have those days too…it is like I need something to look forward to in order to be successful with my goals. It’s not only with health goals, but also work. I think every couple months, there is a bad week where I don’t want to do anything but watch tv and read books and go out for dinner:) I try to notice when this starts to happen so that I can do something about it. Usually if I can set some short-term/mini goals or even if I go buy groceries from one of the nicer stores and something new for my workout attire it will get me out of my rut (Lululemon and new running shoes are HUGE motivators for me!).

  2. Congrats on the NYC Marathon! That is super exciting. When is it? I think it’s great that you have goals and that you are recognizing the accomplishments you have made. I know it’s hard sometimes and you want to get down on yourself but it’s these times that you can reflect and re-motivate yourself. I understand what you are saying about your dress, but I think you should hang that dress up and use it to motivate you. I did that with a shirt I have had for two years (brand new!) and it hung in my room staring at me until recently I finally put it on, and it fit! It was always reminding what my goals were. And it was so awesome the day It actually fit because I thought for years that I should just sell it or give it away, but I am glad I was able to use it as motivation. I can see the flip side of it as well, but I liked the subtle reminder of what the end goal was.

  3. I’m way too lazy on my weekends, which is unfortunate because I need my weekends to plan out my lessons for the week so I go to bed at a decent hour….but that never works.

    Today, I’m going to attempt to plan some lessons and watch football. I love that I’m a football nut and how much I surprise people (mostly boys) in regards to how much I know about and love the sport.

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